“Who the hell am I to coach anyone in their relationship…”

One week from today marks the 7 year Deathiversary of my boyfriend, love, and mentor, Franklin. Next month signifies 11 years I’ve been in love with him. It’s always hard for me this time of year. My ptsd flares up, expressing itself in the form of nightmares, reality distortion, and difficulty in emotional self-regulation. I’ve become masterful at pushing people away, especially in the form of sabotage, breakups, and ghosting. If anyone does manage to keep me around, I get embarrassingly clingy, obsessive, and needy, while ruminating on unhelpful thoughts. Don’t even ask me about the melt downs I have over the stupidest things; their consequences have been hard enough to stomach.

Seven years ago, the day after Franklin died, I started getting calls from my clients. For a good part of the year leading up to this day, I had dedicated a tremendous amount of time and energy into building a Dating & Relationship Coaching business. I had been certified for a few years already. I had gone through years of workshops, trainings, programs, and books. I had joined women’s circles, and coached pick-up artists. I was involved in community outreach projects, and dedicated a significant amount of time giving back.

After almost a year of funneling all my energy into that newest business venture, I had finally built up enough clientele to support myself on a fair wage, and was able to work from anywhere. I had a phone call the day before he died, with a client, in fact, celebrating that fact.

When he died, my entire life shattered before my eyes. My brain melted, and leaked through my eyes for hours on end. I lost my person, my home, my security. So the first thought I had, as my first client of the day, called me for coaching, was

“Who the hell am I to coach anyone in their relationships, when I can’t even keep my own boyfriend alive?”

That thought has rolled its way around my brain so heavily, that an imprint of it can still be found. I fired all my clients that day, and have refused to take up another one since.

I never really stopped coaching, though. Over the past 7 years, I’ve become infinitely more effective at bringing people to higher states of consciousness, clarity, and love, while creating successful relationships. I became obsessed with healing myself, and delved even deeper into the world of transformation, and alternative healing, than ever before.

I even created a wildly successful Tantric healing business, where I’ve not only impacted thousands of lives, but I’ve helped dozens of women build their own successful businesses in the field as well.

There’s a lot I can complain about around the subject of Franklin killing himself, but there’s also a lot to be grateful for. I’ve worked very hard to be diligent with myself in releasing those complaints, and focusing on the gratitude. I get stronger and better at it every year.

This year, in honor of his choice, I reclaim a part of me that I let die with him. I’m committed to shifting the emotional charge I have around that thought statement:
“Who the hell am I?”

Because who am I?
I’m an incredibly qualified coach! I may just be the most qualified person you know to tell you “Let it go.” In addition to that, I’ve also compiled a book’s worth of strategies to actually let go of the unnecessary, rise to the occasion, and live your best life, no matter what.

My own journey has been incredibly difficult.
My emotions are still painful to manage sometimes. My circumstances aren’t everything I want them to be.
But I’m not done yet.
I am ever-evolving, ever-growing, and always up for the next adventure.

So, my next question to myself is:
“What action steps can I put in place to shift the emotional charge around this thought, and experience confidence, worthiness, and celebration instead?”

Well, I guess I should start offering my coaching as a service again. I know I coach people in my life, and clients during healing ceremonies, but I have been reluctant to have pure dating/relationship coaching clients, feeling almost as though I can’t provide enough value by just talking with someone, and afraid of triggering my own trauma. It’s been easier to hide behind the bells and whistles of my Tantric ceremonies/classes, and convince myself I’m worthy, for teaching something so esoteric.

Confidence is knowing you can do something, and courage is doing something despite having fear. A lot of people mistakenly believe that if you have fear, you’re just not confident, and they stop there. If you have fear, and you ignite courage (meaning, you do the thing anyway), then you eventually prove to yourself that you can, in fact, do it. Thus, confidence is born where it wasn’t before.

I’m terrified to be putting myself out there like this again. I’m scared of all the emotional triggers to come. I’m scared of all the rejection and evidence that I actually can’t do it, that may appear. I’m scared of looking bad and annoying people. Ultimately, I’m scared of pushing everyone away, being abandoned, and proving that I actually am unworthy of love.

But I’m going to do it anyway…

I have no idea what to charge.
I don’t know how to structure it.
I don’t even know how much of my time to devote to this endeavor.

I’ll probably start by offering some phone coaching sessions for free. Do that for a while to see if there’s any interest, and ease, as I get back into the flow of it.

One of the pros of my trauma flaring up again, is my perfectionist voice usually gets silenced a bit. There’s some pain threshold I have, where once I pass it, I give up. I give up control. I give up trying to do things the right way. I give up any illusion that I can remove the pain without accepting it and surrendering first.

So here is my surrender…

I have no sales funnel and no separate website with info for this. I still haven’t edited and published my book. I’m not even in a healthy, committed relationship with anyone. It’s weird to feel like I’m starting from scratch when I’ve been saturated in this industry for so long.

Maybe you can help?
Think my coaching might make a difference in your life? Text me, let’s set up a call.
Know someone else that I might be able to support? Connect us.
Want to give me a little encouragement?
Like, comment, share
Have some wise advice, or suggestions, for me? Let me know.

Here are some of the pain points I’ve been known to help with:
🖤When they pull away, abandon, or leave
🖤Grief
🖤Starting a new business venture, and improving relational skills to build it
🖤Going through a life transition, like divorce, relocation, etc.
🖤At a fork in the road, needing to make a hard decision about which path to take
🖤When you keep having the same fight with your partner
🖤Reigniting a passionate life in the bedroom
🖤Surviving breakups and heartbreak
🖤Managing different styles/structures of relationships, either monogamously, or non-monogamously
🖤Dealing with jealousy

I’m just trying to be an active participant in my own healing, whatever that next level may be, while also looking for ways to give back to my communities. This attempt may be a total flop, and maybe I’ll try again next season, or next year, but at least it feels like the next logical step right now, so I’m going to follow it and see where it leads…

 

Lovingly,

Adriana

(720) 576-8630
[Please always text first. I don’t answer phone calls I don’t have appts for. Thank you]